back from the beyond

Hello friends! I realize it's been just two days short of forever since I posted to this blog. I had a lot going on with planning our trip to Europe, going on the trip, recovering from the trip, and all that jazz. No excuses. I hope this post doesn't let you down after such a long absence.

First, I suppose I should provide a brief "health update". I am now in the final throes of some serious suffering caused by self inflicted wounds. A couple of weeks before we left for Europe Dr. Alex put me on an oral chemotherapy drug, Xeloda. Supposed to be good stuff. So I faithfully began taking it, four in the morning and four at night every day and continued to do so for five weeks. All through the trip. On the final stages of the trip I got really sick with a myriad of symptoms. Most of the symptoms were chemo side effects to the nth degree. Burning hands and feet, mouth sores, burns elsewhere on the body, etc. etc. When I got home I went straight to Dr. Alex where I found out almost immediately what the problem was. I was supposed to be taking the Xeloda every other week. Not every day. Chemotherapy overdose. Doc said if I hadn't come in I would have been in the hospital within three days. Now that I've been off it for almost a week I'm starting to come around. Sheesh.

He told me he gave me the instructions verbally. They weren't on the bottle that way. Just four in the morning and four at night. Thank goodness I went in. And thank goodness I didn't get sick until the last days of the trip. We had an amazingly great time.  As my friend, Inigo Montoya says, "Lemme explain. No, is too complicated. Lemme sum up."

The trip started out rather ominously at O'Hare. We were delayed almost six hours. We boarded and deplaned twice before getting on for good. We were in a race against time (how melodramatic) because our crew was about to be DQ'd for too many hours. We came within five minutes of being cancelled for the night. But all's well that ends well and we got on the plane and made it to Paris without further incident. We took a train into the city then walked five or six blocks to our hotel in the Latin Quarter.

We all loved Paris. What a beautiful and fascinating city. In addition to seeing all the major sights we wanted to see we also got to just wander around some of the neighborhoods and thereby make some unexpected discoveries. The people were great. The food was good and inexpensive, and the weather was perfect throughout our five days there. If I never see another miniature replica eiffel tower in my life it will be too soon. It seemed there were african vendors selling them on every corner at five for a euro. And they were available in every color imaginable. Enough already.

My favorite sights in Paris were Les Invalides, Versailles, and Ile St. Louis. And of course Notre Dame was absolutely breathtaking. We were almost sorry to leave Paris. If you haven't been, go. If you have been, go again.

Next we boarded a train for the village of Carentan in Normandy. We stayed there with a family we'd never met before, the Rohees. The matriarch was an old friend of my sister in law who studied for a year in France during college. They were roommates then and remained close. They were kind enough to offer to put us up in their home for a couple of nights. They have three teenaged children 18, 16, and 14 so our kids would have someone to relate to. The only slight problem was that none of them spoke English and none of us spoke French. Actually they did speak English much better than we did French but there was still quite a language barrier.

Mont St. Michel

They were the kindest and friendliest people we could have hoped for. The first night we arrived in Carentan they took us for a brief tour of the town then put us in their cars and whisked us off to Mont St. Michel. It's the most visited landmark in France and for good reason. An incredibly beautiful 10th century abbey/castle built on top of a mountain that just juts out of the sea. I'll put a picture in of it but it can't possibly do it justice. It was a two hour drive out there and two hours back and by the end of the journey we were all fast friends. We had dinner when we got back to their house at 2AM that night.

The next day they took us for a whirlwind tour of Normandy and the D-Day sights. We saw the US cemetery, Mere St. Elise where the paratrooper famously got caught on the steeple of the cathedral, and many other sights that no one but a native could have shown us. It was spectacular. The French countryside and its villages were just unbelievably lovely. That night we had a great dinner accompanied by some home made cider, liquers, and calvados. The next day we were sad to say goodbye to the Rohee family. I'm sure we'll keep in touch with them.

Next we were off to London via a rather circuitous route. We took a train back to Paris, then a cab to another train station in Paris, then a train to Calais, then the Eurostar train through the chunnel to London. We got a nice meal and drinks in our first class cabin on the Eurostar and were in London before we knew it.

We stayed at the Marriott Marble Arch in London. The Marble Arch is an entrance to Hyde Park and is quite literally a marble arch. The neighborhood surrounding the arch was, surprisingly, Middle Eastern. On the same block with the hotel we had Iranian, Iraqui, Arabian, Lebanese, Pakistani, and Afghani restaurants. Right across the street we had a Beirut Express. We later found out it was a chain. Rather than bowlers and umbrellas we saw houka bars and burkhas. The hotel was great. Definitely the best digs we had for the entire trip.

Rehearsal at the Globe

London was large and somewhat overwhelming. We decided to take one of those tour buses throughout the city. We could hop off and off wherever we wanted and had a cheeky Londoner guide for each bus. We resisted doing the bus at first. How touristy can you get, right? But it turned out well. We got to see all the major sights in the city and we did a good deal of hopping on and off. We toured Buckingham Palace and saw the changing of the guard, toured Shakespeare's Globe Theatre (v3) and several other landmarks. We also had a box of various "neighborhood walks" on cards and did some of those as well. Overall we all found London the least wonderful place on the trip. Very large, very crowded, very expensive. Still fun, memorable, and exciting. Just less so than the other places we visited. We spent four nights there. Madison got some good shopping in. Connor and I went to the British Museum which was very cool as well. I got a bit ill while we were there which probably didn't help matters. All in all we were happy to get on the train for Scotland.

We had a five hour train trip between London and Edinburgh. A beautiful ride through the English and Scottish countryside. We arrived in Edinburgh during the heart of the Edinburgh Festival and the Fringe Festival. Wacky wacky crazy fun time. If you're not familiar with these festivals they bring millions of people, both performers and audiences, to the city. There are thousands of performance venues featuring everything from jugglers with chainsaws to the Royal Shakespeare Company. Tickets run the gamut from free to incredibly expensive and the quality offers the same type of range. All in all though, hugely entertaining.

Aside from the festivals, Edinburgh is a really gorgeous city. We toured Edinburgh Castle and a few other amazingly beautiful landmarks and met some lovely Scottish people. The last day we were there Connor and I took a bus tour out into the Trossachs and to Stirling Castle. Saw some great scenery and the beginnings of the Highlands. And Connor had a dream come true when he bought himself a kilt with all the trimmings. All in all I think Connor and I liked Scotland best of all our stops and Stephanie and Madison would probably pick Paris with Edinburgh a close second.

I'll leave this post with a final observation. I brought and used something called a "transport chair" throughout the trip. It's a wheelchair without the big wheels on the side. Which means I couldn't transport myself in it. I had to be pushed. Thanks to my family for having the patience to push me around a lot of the time. I had the chair because of my somewhat weakened state and it's a good thing I did have it. I don't think I could have made it without it.

It also gave me a great appreciation for what actual handicapped folks go through. I was able to get up out of the chair and have Connor carry it up and down subway steps and other steps and obstacles. I can only imagine how frustrating most of these places would be for someone who couldn't get out of the chair. I thought I could empathize before but now I have a much better idea. What courage and strength those folks have.

overdue

Well, I'm through making promises about my frequency of posts. I see that it's been sixteen days since my last one when I vowed to make them once a week. Oh well. I'm sure nobody was gnashing their teeth to see the latest anyway.

I've been doing quite a bit of reading, as usual. I finished Atlas Shrugged. I suppose my reaction would be a shrug. Almost fourteen hundred pages of philosophical dogma with some shreds of plot thrown in for good measure. If you're not familiar with Randian philosophy, aka objectivism, it's all about free markets and egoism. One of the characters delivers a mind blowing three hour monologue outlining said philosophy near the end of the book. I know it would be three hours because she repeatedly refers to it as the "three hour speech".  I forced myself to finish it and I'm glad I did. I hate to leave things unfinished.

I also read The March by E.L. Doctorow, The Bloody Ground, another Civil War historical fiction thing, and Treasure Island. Treasure Island was a nod back to the pirate stuff I read previously. I didn't know I had a copy of it and when I discovered it on the shelf I couldn't resist. These three books combined didn't reach the length of Atlas Shrugged and yet I found them all infinitely more entertaining.

I just finished my last round of chemotherapy this week as well. It laid me out as usual but I am so glad to be done with it. I have to start radiation on June 1 but that couldn't be nearly as bad as the chemo. Could it? Let's hope not. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I look forward to feeling better as the doctor promises.

I'm contemplating some trips. To North Carolina with Madison to see North Carolina School of the Arts and to visit my ailing Grandma, and to Southern California to visit some friends and relations. Stephanie is being great about encouraging me to travel. She knows I'm somewhat depressed and that a change of scenery might do me good. I wish I could take her with me everywhere but her job doesn't permit unfortunately.  We're still planning to go to Europe at the end of July as well. Need to pick up the steam on the planning for that one or time will pass us by. Hasta luego amigos.

The end in sight

Yesterday I started cycle seven of eight of my nasty chemotherapy. It gets cumulatively worse as far as side effects go so I've been doing a lot of sleeping since I came home from the hospital and little else. Two weeks from tomorrow they'll disconnect me from this dreaded pump for (hopefully) the last time. Hooray!

Next step is radiation again. I have an appointment with the radiation oncologist tomorrow. Apparently they're going to try some narrow beam radiological surgery thing that is aimed at controlling the tumor growing into my pelvic bone. That's the one that they believe to be inoperable otherwise so I have my fingers crossed it will succeed.

After that it's probably back onto some chemo orally along with avastin orally. The doc tells me the side effects of the oral drugs are very mild so I should be able to function fairly normally. And he promised that if they do make me sick he'd give me a reprieve for a few weeks while we go to Europe this Summer.

That's about it on the medical front. Nothing much else to report. I've embarked on a new book, Atlas Shrugged. It's about 1500 pages so it should keep me occupied for a while at least. I'm also going to start a writing class down in Chicago later this week. We'll see how that goes.

Be well and Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there.

Avast ye mateys

There's no explaining why something catches my fancy and latches hold from time to time. None whatsoever. On my recent trip to New Orleans my friends and I came across a large contingent of pirates carousing in the French Quarter. Geoff struck up a conversation with a particular female pirate as she stumbled across Decatur Street and we learned the tale of this crew (What's the word for a collection of pirates? I'll go with crew for now.).

It seems there is some national or international group of hundreds of people who are way into pirate lore, culture, history, dress, etc. They come from all over and meet annually (for the last few years anyway) in New Orleans. They dress in full regalia period true costumes, carry cutlasses and boarding axes, and speak in pirate-ese. They also apparently take pride in emulating real pirates habit of drinking to excess.

Later that evening we crossed paths with subsets of pirates enjoying their bacchanal throughout the Quarter. My friend Paula even had her picture taken with a gaggle of them dressed in pink pirate gear. Hmmm. Predictably and happily these folks didn't create much of a stir in New Orleans. It is New Orleans after all and I'm sure they see a lot stranger things than a hundred pirates marching down the street all the time.

During our questioning of the female pirate of Decatur Street (What was her name?) Geoff, ever the scholar, asked her what book or books she might recommend to learn more about real pirates beyond what she taught us in her brief street side lecture. She tauted a book called Under the Black Flag, by David Cordingly.

Well, since I sit here with relatively little to do I wandered into the library and checked out the book. I also checked out another called Empire of Blue Waters and read them both this past week. So if you ever have any questions about pirates just ask me.

The first book is a rather academic factual history of piracy through time and across the world but primarily focusing on the golden age of pirates in the late seventeenth and early eighteenth century. I learned a lot but found most of the book rather dry. Nothing like a table in one appendix listing all the major piracy trials and subsequent hangings. Suffice to say they hanged a lot of pirates in the early 1700's.

The second book was much more entertaining. It chronicled the life and times of one Henry Morgan or Wales and later Jamaica, one of the most accomplished privateer/pirates in history. Morgan, BTW, would cut off your head if you called him a pirate and did in fact sue the author of a book about him who did so. Privateering was, apparently in his eyes, much more respectable. He eventually became so respectable he was knighted and made lieutenant governor of Jamaica.

If you like history and adventurous tales of the high seas mixed with Pirates of the Caribbean I recommend the book wholeheartedly. Jolly good. Jolly Roger good.

I think my pirate phase is over though. I may seek out another book or two but I think I've got the gist of it. Reading these did make me think back to one of my longtime fantasies; learning to sail, buying a boat, and cruising around the Caribbean during my retirement. Doesn't that sound like fun? Sort of a Jimmy Buffett thing? Now if I can just convince Stephanie how much fun it would be we can set sail as soon as Connor leaves the house. And I learn how to sail a vessel I'd trust in the open ocean. To be continued.

Big Easy, Big fun

I just returned yesterday from my trip to New Orleans. As I mentioned in my previous post, I went there to meet my great friend, Eric, for some fun and relaxation. The trip turned out to be even better than expected. Eric had secretly invited two of our mutual friends from Kellogg, Geoffrey Souser and Paula Smorynski to come down and join us.

Wednesday Eric and I hung out in the French Quarter, had dinner at Coop's, one of my favorite New Orleans dives, and listened to some great music on Bourbon Street. Thursday we took a self guided walking tour of the French Quarter. The place is heartbreakingly beautiful and has the most colorful history of any place I've ever been. We then walked along Royal Street and checked out all the antique stores, art galleries, voodoo parlors, and other exotic New Orleans type establishments.

We headed over to Mother's in the CBD for lunch. We were standing in line when Geoff walked up. You could have knocked me over with the proverbial feather. Eric had been excusing himself all morning to take calls and read texts. I thought he was just being rude but he was just secretly conniving with Geoff. I was so glad to see him and we had a great lunch. Less so for Geoff since he's practically vegan and didn't find much to eat on Mother's animal fat laden menu.

We left Mothers and walked around for another couple of hours then headed to the Carousel Bar in the Hotel Monteleone. The bar is a literal carousel that rotates while you have your cocktails. Somewhat disconcerting after a few of them. Now in walks the last member of our former dinner club, Paula.

Back when we were in school together the four of us worked together in some classes and hit it off immediately. The dinner club formed when we started dining together with our respective spouses once a quarter and became fast friends. We also went out together after our last night of class as Kellogg students. I hadn't seen Paula since that night and had only seen Geoff once or twice since. Eight years ago.

It was amazing that Eric thought to bring us all together again. And amazing that Geoff and Paula took the time away from their lives and families to come down to New Orleans and hang out. Thursday night we went to the home of one of our former professors, Georgios Bakamitsos, who teaches at Tulane now. We had a great time at his house. Less so for Geoff since he suffered from some serious food poisoning from a bad falafel and had to leave early. He was, thankfully, recovered by the next morning.

Friday morning we went for a tour of the Garden District and saw some beautiful homes and the homes of some notable New Orleans residents like Anne Rice, Archie Manning, Trent Reznor, John Goodman, Nicolas Cage, and many other amazing Victorian beauties. We went to the fabled Commander's Palace for lunch. Georgios met us and we had a fabulous meal and even sampled their 25 cent martinis. Even Geoff had the best plate of sauteed vegetables ever according to the waiter.

After some recovery time in the afternoon we hit the Quarter again. Eric was jonesing for a muffaletta and though Central Grocery was closed we managed to find him one. We went to Pat O'Brien's and then heard an amazing set of Dixieland Jazz at Preservation Hall. Later it was off to Cafe DuMonde for a nightcap of cafe au lait and beignets. We also came across a convention of pirates marauding throughout the Quarter. Only in New Orleans.

Sadly, we all had to get up and go Saturday morning. I did get a great plate of red beans and rice with andouille, cornbread, and collards at the airport on my way out of New Orleans. It was a really memorable trip. I can't thank Paula, Geoff, Georgios, and especially Eric enough. I've mentioned in this space in the past what an amazing man Eric is and his arranging to bring this together is just further proof. Thank you Eric.

I'm glad to be home but I'll never forget this trip and my friends for making it so fantastic. Laissez les bon temps rouler!

Better late...

It has been almost a month since I posted to this blog. Shame on me. I'd like to say that it's because I've been hard at work on my novel. Or that I've been busy stripping wallpaper (eek). Or that I've any good excuse for not doing something productive. But I haven't. I've just been lazy. And sometimes sick and tired. Mostly lazy.

I hereby resolve that I am going to start assigning myself writing and other projects so that I don't go completely crazy. My lovely and wonderful wife has been ever so gently suggesting that I find things to do since I'm prone to depression when I don't have purposeful endeavors. So there you go. Whether you like it or not I'll be posting something here at least once a week. Putting it on my calendar right now. I'm also going to do my darnedest to write some fiction of some sort. It's nice that people think I have a knack for writing enough to suggest I do more of it and even to suggest they might read it. A memoir seems so self indulgent so I'll confine the memoirish ramblings here where they can't get out.

As for other "things to do" I'm taking suggestions. I'm considering golf but it's expensive. I'm willing to do some volunteer work if I find the right thing to do. There's also my see sawing health which makes committing to things difficult. Perhaps when my current chemo treatments are over I'll find something.

And now to the news: One week ago today I began chemotherapy treatment cycle number five of eight. If you're at least as good at math as I you'll calculate that I'm more than halfway done. Yippee! The plan remains to rescan and reassess after the cycles are complete. Dr. Alex mentioned at my last meeting with him that he's been talking with the radiation oncologists about my case and that they might try to treat my pelvic spot with radiation. Not that I look forward to that, having been radiated thoroughly in the past, but he seems to think it holds promise. So I got that going for me, which is nice. I'm really looking forward to being done with this chemo and feeling good for a while.

Connor and I recently visited Disney World with my mom, her husband, his daughter, and her family. It was an excellent trip. Mom rented a very nice house and her other two grandkids, Griff and Lily, were delightful. We visited all four Disney parks and I only had to go home early once. I was very pleased with my stamina. We rode everything and even did all the roller coasters multiple times. Big fun.

This week I'm going to New Orleans with my great friend, Eric Solberg, for three days. Eric and I have been close since we went to business school together. He has been amazingly supportive throughout my whole cancer battle and is just an amazing man. He has lived in San Diego for the past five years or so and we don't get to see one another often. So we're going to hang out, see some sights, eat some good food, listen to some great music, and generally have a good time. Stephanie has been wonderful about suggesting I do things like that. That's incredibly generous of her since we rarely get to travel together as a family. And since I'm on the government dole and we're poor wards of the state. Thank you, dear wife!

That's all the news for now. The children are doing magnificently. Summer is almost upon us. So I'd better get going. ttfn.

Lion in Winter/Spring

It snowed here yesterday. And the forecast calls for snow again today, Sunday. Thursday and Friday the temps were in the sixties, the sun was shining, the top was down on my shiny convertible, and all was right with the world. It is amazing to me how folks' outlooks on life itself are impacted by the weather. Myself included. Why don't we all live in California, Florida, Arizona, or some other sunkist spot?

Somehow, that old argument about seasonality always comes up. "I like the change of seasons!" Well, so do I but I think I'd be perfectly content with just a week or two of Winter and a smaller smidgen of Fall. I'll put that in the old suggestion box. Along with a few other suggestions.

I'm starting to believe one's age can be determined by the percentage of his/her thoughts and conversations that relate to weather. My kids never talk about the weather. I don't think they even think about it at all. They just (sometimes) don the appropriate clothing and gear and go out and face it. I hereby determine to speak and think less of the weather. And hopefully think less about it. I've always been a fan of that serenity thing: God give me the wisdom blah blah blah, don't fret about stuff you can't effect anyway, etc. There, I feel younger already.

Along that same line I find myself, somewhat disturbingly, feeling tranquil about my medical situation/cancer. Oh, I'm certainly efforting to take much better care of myself than I have in the past. But beyond that I feel like it's out of my hands. In the hands of the "higher power". And I'm really OK with that. I just completed chemo treatment number 3 and I'm coming out of the funk and sickness. My existence now is really sort of bipolar. On the week I have treatment I feel like total crap Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday then slowly ramp out of it the rest of the week. I'm conciously trying to push myself physically more each day. I'm no Bear Grills. I just try to walk a bit more or do some curls with my immense ten pound barbells. Feel better and better each day until that dread Monday when it's back to the chair for another treatment.

I get a week's respite this time to go to Disney World/Orlando with my son, Mom, stepdad, and stepsister/stepbrotherinlaw/theirkids. Should be a lot of fun. And the weath...It will be warm! We're off this coming Saturday until April 2. Then back to the chair April 5. It will be a good exercise in pacing. I'm so looking forward to it.

At the risk of diving into one of the three unswimmable pools of philosophy; love, politics, and religion I'll just randomly dangle my feet in the last puddle for a moment. It's something one thinks about in my situation. At least this one does. And these are my musings, right?

If you asked me today, "What is your religion?" I would quote one of my heros, Honest Abe Lincoln, who said; "When I do good I feel good. When I do bad I feel bad. And that is my religion." Sort of a golden rule/karmic ideology that I honestly adhere to. I know I have done bad, many times in my lifetime. And I'm genuinely sorry for all the pain I've caused my friends and loved ones by doing so. So sorry. But I also know I've done a lot of good and my concious aim every day is to continue to do more and more good and less bad every day. If I can continue to do so I'll feel I've lived a good and valuable life and made a positive impact on the planet.

OK. Deep. How about that NCAA tournament? I love me some March Madness. I kept thinking about my friend John as I watched the stunned and defeated Kansas players exit the arena yesterday. John bleeds Jayhawk blue. Since I've never really had any strong allegiance college basketball wise I can only imagine how that felt for him. Maybe like I felt at the end of the epic Miami-San Diego playoff game? Anyway, I felt for you Johnny B. And you have to admit it's hard not to pull for a team with a guy named Lucas O'Rear. If he doesn't make it in the NBA he might have a future in gay porn with a name like that. I do root for the underdogs in the tournament and it's heartening to see a St. Mary's or Northern Iowa make a run. Here's hoping one of them makes it to the Final Four. When does football season start?