Children and Art

I'll take a break today from my maudlin meanderings to focus on the latest doings of my darling and amazing children. Please indulge the proud parental boasting for a few minutes.

Madison is about to open as Olga in Chekov's Three Sisters at her school, The Chicago Academy for the Arts. If you're wondering what business any HS kids have doing Chekov so am I but I fully expect Madison will be excellent. She's an old soul. Incredibly mature for her age. She's learning a lot and sucking it all up like a vacuum.

Last night she had another amazing experience that I'm sure she'll not soon forget. One of her best friends, a sophomore at her school, was cast in The Goodman Theatre's new world premiere production of a play called The Long Red Road directed by Oscar winner Philip Seymour Hoffman. Last night was the press night. Madison's friend, Fiona, got a great review from the Tribune's theatre critic:

http://leisureblogs.chicagotribune.com/the_theater_loop/

Madison did audition for the role herself but the character is 12 and she can't play twelve anymore. She has, however, been able to make the most of it. She saw a preview of the show a week or so ago and afterward a meet and greet with the cast, playwright, and Hoffman. Phil, as Fi and Madison refer to him, also came over to the Academy yesterday and met with all the theatre students (25 of so).

Last night Fiona gave her a ticket to the invite only press night performance and the party afterward. She got to meet and speak with Brian Dennehy and Robert Falls at the party. She's seen Dennehy in Desire Under the Elms at the Goodman and mentioned she was a big fan. He told her she wasn't old enough to be a big fan and that he had rashes older than her. I'll have to remember that one.

Madison wrote a paper about Falls, the Goodman's artistic director for 25 years, in school and told him so when she was introduced. He must have a very sharp eye because he asked her if he hadn't seen her somewhere before, at the preview last week perhaps? He had, of course, but she didn't meet or speak to him then so I'm sure she was thrilled he remembered her.

Soon she's off with a friend, Becky, and Becky's mother for college visits in New York at Julliard, NYU, and SUNY Purchase. It will be tough to see her off to college but like most teenagers she's rarely home anyway. I told Stephanie yesterday I'd like to do something with Madison, just the two of us, soon. I so seldom get to speak with her for more than a minute.

While Connor's life is not quite as exciting as Madison's at the moment, give him time. He's just an 8th grader. Yesterday he got the news that he had been cast as the Beast in his Jr. High production of Beauty and the Beast. He's excited. He's growing into a very handsome young man if I do say so myself and a talented one to boot. He sings, he plays piano and guitar, composes music, and draws very well. Unfortunately he doesn't focus his energies on his schoolwork as much as he should and just getting him to turn in his work is a constant challenge. We're hoping that might change next year in HS. Either way I know he'll continue to grow into a good man. He has a heart big as Texas.

There's a song in my favorite Sondheim musical, Sunday in the Park with George, called Children and Art. The implication is that those two things are the most significant legacies anyone can leave behind. Lately when I find myself wallowing in melancholy over the worst things in life, regrets, I have to pull myself up short and remind myself of that. While I didn't leave a mark artistically anywhere in the cosmos I did somehow partner to create and nurture two amazing kids. Whether they make a mark in the arts or elsewhere in the world doesn't matter much to me. I just want them to be happy. remember their parents lovingly, and reach my age or older with as few as possible of those regrets.

Who knows? I still might have time to write my own opus. Once I get started. :)

words words words

I've been digesting a lot of them lately. I'm going on "author jags" lately. I find an author I like and want to read their entire canon. Perhaps reading is an escape for me. Hmmm....Don't think there's any perhaps about it.

This morning I finished The Caine Mutiny. Thus end the Herman Wouk WWII novels. About 3,000 pages of him in the past month. I'm not sure I'll go back and read Marjorie Morningstar or any of his remaining stuff immediately. The three I just finished were excellent writing. Highly recommended. But then I really like historical fiction.

The first two, Winds of War and War and Remembrance, have excellent histories of WWII woven into them. I have a newfound greater appreciation for my grandfathers and the rest of the "last best generation" or whatever it is they're labeled with. Frightening to think how the world might be if that conflict turned out differently. Sobering to think about how little thought we give those sacrifices these days. I hope to visit Normandy this Summer and pay my respects.

There is also a subplot in the two histories regarding the plight of Jews in Nazi controlled Europe and Auschwitz. Of course those circumstances are almost beyond comprehension and belief. From the perspective of that time I was struck by what Wouk refers to as "the will not to believe". When the stories began to come out they were just too horrible. People, including potential victims and potential rescuers just couldn't comprehend that a civilized nation and people could be capable of such horrible atrocities. I suppose the lesson for me is that individuals and collectives are capable of amazingly good things and amazingly horrid things and that disbelief should not be our first reaction. I think I have a better understanding now of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and what Israel means to the Jewish people. Just incredible that all that happened within my parents' lifetimes. Woops. There I go with the disbelief.

Well, that was really uplifting wasn't it? Just call me Donnie Downer. Debbie's brother. A few months ago I read all of Cormac McCarthy except Suttree which is regarded as his masterpiece. Just got that from the library yesterday so I guess I'll circle back and check that one off the list. His stuff's not too dark either...ahem.

Who should I go to next? Please recommend an author I might choose. I guess in my present state I'm hoping to tick off the classics I haven't gotten to yet. Why is it that most of the "great literature" is so depressing. I'll go out to the Internet and snoop around. Can't think of any laugh out loud titans.

Off I go. Off like a prom dress as I used to say. ;)

Thrill of Victory...Agony of Defeat

I know for me those words conjure that poor anonymous ski jumper going head over heels at the beginning of every Wide World of Sports episode. I keep thinking of him as I turn on the olympic games.

Call me an old fart but I sort of miss that old feeling that these folks are toiling in anonymity for four years at some obscure sport like curling or luge only to burst onto the world's stage for their fifteen minutes of fame. Of five minutes of fame. Seems now they all are so commercialized and sponsorized. Still it's entertaining.

I love the female snowboard half pipers with their faces shining off the jumbotron at the end of the run and their iPods blaring during their runs. I especially cracked up at Kelly Clark who sang along tonelessly to her iPod tunes at the top of her lungs. Bronze medal worthy.

I really enjoy watching the downhillers and their incredible fearlessness. The tiara just kind of spoils it a bit.

I've finally reached the end of my patience for figure skating and can't stand to watch it. Even though the guy who won is from right here in Naperville, IL. The fuss and feathers is just too much. After Blades of Glory it's all downhill, so to speak.

Ah well. It's a quiet Saturday afternoon with not much else to do. Click.

nada mucho

This second round of chemo is kicking my butt. I'm hopeful that I'll start feeling better day by day but for now I've been nauseated, feverish, etc. for a few days.

I feel like a slug. I've done nothing but read and watch a little TV. I'm reading Herman Wouk's War and Remembrance. It's only about 1500 pages but seems an easier read than War and Peace. I'm almost done with it so after that maybe Tolstoy.

PET Scan

Almost forgot to report on the results of last week's PET scan. One more instance of cancer showed up in one lung. So for those of you keeping score at home, that's lung, liver, and possibly two spots in the pelvis.

Doc says the tumors are all small enough that he believe the chemo alone may prove successful in shrinking them. Then perhaps some radiation afterward to boot. He continues to be optimistic in the short term and less certain on the long term. But then...aren't we all?

chemo round 2

24 hours into the second round of chemo. Fun stuff. I'm not feeling nearly as badly as I did two weeks ago at this time. Probably due to the fact that I'm not offloading ten tons of narcotics while onloading all the chemo poison. I'm not exactly up to running around the block though.

I'd really like to write more to record all my thoughts for posterity. Just not much comes to mind at the time.

I am excited about my upcoming trip to Orlando and Disney with Connor and to see my mom. I think I'll be physically up for it and I do look forward to the warm weather. Also working on planning the european vacation. It's a logistical problem to be sure. First we have to confirm the dates then figure out where to fly to first and then how to get from place to place and where to stay and what to eat. I wish we could do it more "seat of the pants" but I'm sure that would result in massive frustration in the end. We know we want to be in Edinburgh for the end of the trip so that we can catch the festivals there in August.

I've gotten some massive tomes from the library to read so that's keeping me busy as well. Thanks for all the good thoughts!

VD

Happy Valentine's Day all! Not to get all morbid but every time a holiday comes up I hope I don't keep wondering whether I'll see the next one.

I hope not and think not. I want to do something special with my wife and kids today. Otherwise I have no plans and I haven't planned that. Maybe just go out for breakfast or whatever. I hope you all have fun.

iPad piddles

OK, I'll admit I'm enamored with the iPad and all Apple's other iProducts. That's why I find myself reading these articles.

But even more entertaining are comments from people like "Ram" who seems to be challenging the rest of us to bschool pissing matches to prove how smart he is. I guess with all the good things that come with the democratization of the Internet we have to put up with dunderheads having their ignorant say.

And, for the record, I'll be shocked if Apple doesn't cut prices across all the models by $50-$100 by the end of 2010. Then I'll really want one.

Social Security

Spent several hours in the local Social Security Administration office today. If you ever want to see a slice of life that is certainly one. There were, of course, the obligatory crying babies and ripe smelling folks. The wait was long but everyone seemed to be in relatively good spirits.

I was in no hurry to get my business done there I suppose because of the nature of that business. I was there to apply for disability. I had a large packet of paperwork provided by the MSW's at the hospital. I hadn't the heart to look through it at length but the upshot of it was that I wasn't physically able to work any longer and therefore needed disability ASAP.

The young lady who processed my application, a Mrs. DelGado, was extremely nice and assured me that my application would be processed very quickly. Even as soon as next week. Nevertheless the government requires that you wait five months from the point of disability until your benefits start. Just really strange to sit there and listen to her describe how much money I was entitled to, how much my kids would receive, and how much my family would continue to receive after my passing. Sheesh. I hope to put that off for as long as possible.

Yesterday's PET scan was fine. Just time consuming. I should get the results when I go visit the doc Monday. Of course it crosses my mind that there might be additional cancerous areas but I'll know Monday and not before so no point worrying about it too much. I have chemotherapy starting Monday as well so I'm sure I'll be feeling like I'm dying shortly thereafter anyway.

Sunday is Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Bridge over Snowy Water

More disjointed ramblings, I'm afraid. I've got a log going on for a guy who doesn't have a job.

I went to the hospital today to meet with a kind social worker who's assembled my dossier/application in a fairly bulletproof way. That means I should be chewed up and spat out of the system in a matter of weeks rather than months and that my application for disability will pass with flying colors. If all goes well. Something called "compassionate circumstance".

I hate the idea of going on the dole when I feel I still have contributions to make to society. However I guess I have to face the fact that my health is precarious enough that the government is willing to go all compassionate on me. My official diagnosis as of now is large bowel/colon/rectal cancer with non proximate metastasis to the liver. Mmmm.

Tomorrow I go for a PT scan. That's the one that somehow identifies cancer cells wherever they may lie in the body. I guess I'd be less than fully forthcoming if I didn't admit to worrying about finding additional cancers/tumors elsewhere in the body. Since the last CT I had done was only abdomen and pelvis I could have metastasis in the lungs or brain, I guess. Lung, liver, and brain are the three most likely places for large bowel cancers to branch out. Or, I could be completely free of any additional disease.

I saw my son, Connor, sing a solo in his chorus concert tonight. The kid has mad skillz. He and I are going to Disney World with my Mom and her husband over his spring break. That should be big fun. And mom was kind enough to treat for the airfare and the park tickets. I'm going to try to see some of my old Florida chums while I'm there as well.

Connor is auditioning for Beauty and the Beast at school. Every time I think about those sorts of things I make a silent plea that I see that one and the next. Next up is Madison in Three Sisters. I'm really looking forward to seeing that.

After the PT scan I have another chemo session beginning Monday. Probably won't post any time soon after that so I'll try to hit it as frequently as I can prior.

apologia

BTW, I'm brand new at this blogging thing. You savvy bloggers just quit your snickering right now.

Super Monday

I promised myself and my darling wife that I would begin to regularly post to this blog starting today. Expect things to be rather random. And I apologize for jumping in in the middle of the story.

There are a lot of things going on these days. On the trivial current events front, yesterday, the Saints won Super Bowl 44. I don't do Roman Numerals. I couldn't be happier for the team. I couldn't be happier for the city of New Orleans and its people. Great! And Drew Brees is my new favorite humanitarian and football player. If that's the last Super Bowl I see I'm not disappointed.

Last one? Why would I say such a thing? Well, recently I learned that my cancer has recurred. I've got some spots on my liver and probably another instance of cancer in my pelvis. I'll know more after a PT scan Thursday. My oncologist, Dr. Alexander Hantel, has been great for me over the past almost five years. I'm sure he's somewhat disappointed himself because as of September 2010 I would have been "cured".

And now I'm not and, so he tells me, I won't ever be. I started chemotherapy last week and we'll know more about the prognosis after a few more treatments. If the chemo is effective I could live for a while. If it's not...

There is a lot of good news is that diagnosis though. First, the chemo has already reduced the debilitating pain I've had for the past four years. And that is really really good news. I am actually lucid and not under the influence of major narcotics for the first time in a long time. Woo hoo!

Strangely, I'm not frightened. We'll see how long that lasts. I am going to do a few things I've always wanted to do. I've never been to Europe and I'm going to make that happen this Summer. Stephanie and I talked today about taking a month and visiting France and Great Britain. The whole family. I really really look forward to that. I'm going to start planning the trip immediately. Suggestions welcome.