chemo round 2

24 hours into the second round of chemo. Fun stuff. I'm not feeling nearly as badly as I did two weeks ago at this time. Probably due to the fact that I'm not offloading ten tons of narcotics while onloading all the chemo poison. I'm not exactly up to running around the block though.

I'd really like to write more to record all my thoughts for posterity. Just not much comes to mind at the time.

I am excited about my upcoming trip to Orlando and Disney with Connor and to see my mom. I think I'll be physically up for it and I do look forward to the warm weather. Also working on planning the european vacation. It's a logistical problem to be sure. First we have to confirm the dates then figure out where to fly to first and then how to get from place to place and where to stay and what to eat. I wish we could do it more "seat of the pants" but I'm sure that would result in massive frustration in the end. We know we want to be in Edinburgh for the end of the trip so that we can catch the festivals there in August.

I've gotten some massive tomes from the library to read so that's keeping me busy as well. Thanks for all the good thoughts!

VD

Happy Valentine's Day all! Not to get all morbid but every time a holiday comes up I hope I don't keep wondering whether I'll see the next one.

I hope not and think not. I want to do something special with my wife and kids today. Otherwise I have no plans and I haven't planned that. Maybe just go out for breakfast or whatever. I hope you all have fun.

iPad piddles

OK, I'll admit I'm enamored with the iPad and all Apple's other iProducts. That's why I find myself reading these articles.

But even more entertaining are comments from people like "Ram" who seems to be challenging the rest of us to bschool pissing matches to prove how smart he is. I guess with all the good things that come with the democratization of the Internet we have to put up with dunderheads having their ignorant say.

And, for the record, I'll be shocked if Apple doesn't cut prices across all the models by $50-$100 by the end of 2010. Then I'll really want one.

Social Security

Spent several hours in the local Social Security Administration office today. If you ever want to see a slice of life that is certainly one. There were, of course, the obligatory crying babies and ripe smelling folks. The wait was long but everyone seemed to be in relatively good spirits.

I was in no hurry to get my business done there I suppose because of the nature of that business. I was there to apply for disability. I had a large packet of paperwork provided by the MSW's at the hospital. I hadn't the heart to look through it at length but the upshot of it was that I wasn't physically able to work any longer and therefore needed disability ASAP.

The young lady who processed my application, a Mrs. DelGado, was extremely nice and assured me that my application would be processed very quickly. Even as soon as next week. Nevertheless the government requires that you wait five months from the point of disability until your benefits start. Just really strange to sit there and listen to her describe how much money I was entitled to, how much my kids would receive, and how much my family would continue to receive after my passing. Sheesh. I hope to put that off for as long as possible.

Yesterday's PET scan was fine. Just time consuming. I should get the results when I go visit the doc Monday. Of course it crosses my mind that there might be additional cancerous areas but I'll know Monday and not before so no point worrying about it too much. I have chemotherapy starting Monday as well so I'm sure I'll be feeling like I'm dying shortly thereafter anyway.

Sunday is Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Bridge over Snowy Water

More disjointed ramblings, I'm afraid. I've got a log going on for a guy who doesn't have a job.

I went to the hospital today to meet with a kind social worker who's assembled my dossier/application in a fairly bulletproof way. That means I should be chewed up and spat out of the system in a matter of weeks rather than months and that my application for disability will pass with flying colors. If all goes well. Something called "compassionate circumstance".

I hate the idea of going on the dole when I feel I still have contributions to make to society. However I guess I have to face the fact that my health is precarious enough that the government is willing to go all compassionate on me. My official diagnosis as of now is large bowel/colon/rectal cancer with non proximate metastasis to the liver. Mmmm.

Tomorrow I go for a PT scan. That's the one that somehow identifies cancer cells wherever they may lie in the body. I guess I'd be less than fully forthcoming if I didn't admit to worrying about finding additional cancers/tumors elsewhere in the body. Since the last CT I had done was only abdomen and pelvis I could have metastasis in the lungs or brain, I guess. Lung, liver, and brain are the three most likely places for large bowel cancers to branch out. Or, I could be completely free of any additional disease.

I saw my son, Connor, sing a solo in his chorus concert tonight. The kid has mad skillz. He and I are going to Disney World with my Mom and her husband over his spring break. That should be big fun. And mom was kind enough to treat for the airfare and the park tickets. I'm going to try to see some of my old Florida chums while I'm there as well.

Connor is auditioning for Beauty and the Beast at school. Every time I think about those sorts of things I make a silent plea that I see that one and the next. Next up is Madison in Three Sisters. I'm really looking forward to seeing that.

After the PT scan I have another chemo session beginning Monday. Probably won't post any time soon after that so I'll try to hit it as frequently as I can prior.

apologia

BTW, I'm brand new at this blogging thing. You savvy bloggers just quit your snickering right now.

Super Monday

I promised myself and my darling wife that I would begin to regularly post to this blog starting today. Expect things to be rather random. And I apologize for jumping in in the middle of the story.

There are a lot of things going on these days. On the trivial current events front, yesterday, the Saints won Super Bowl 44. I don't do Roman Numerals. I couldn't be happier for the team. I couldn't be happier for the city of New Orleans and its people. Great! And Drew Brees is my new favorite humanitarian and football player. If that's the last Super Bowl I see I'm not disappointed.

Last one? Why would I say such a thing? Well, recently I learned that my cancer has recurred. I've got some spots on my liver and probably another instance of cancer in my pelvis. I'll know more after a PT scan Thursday. My oncologist, Dr. Alexander Hantel, has been great for me over the past almost five years. I'm sure he's somewhat disappointed himself because as of September 2010 I would have been "cured".

And now I'm not and, so he tells me, I won't ever be. I started chemotherapy last week and we'll know more about the prognosis after a few more treatments. If the chemo is effective I could live for a while. If it's not...

There is a lot of good news is that diagnosis though. First, the chemo has already reduced the debilitating pain I've had for the past four years. And that is really really good news. I am actually lucid and not under the influence of major narcotics for the first time in a long time. Woo hoo!

Strangely, I'm not frightened. We'll see how long that lasts. I am going to do a few things I've always wanted to do. I've never been to Europe and I'm going to make that happen this Summer. Stephanie and I talked today about taking a month and visiting France and Great Britain. The whole family. I really really look forward to that. I'm going to start planning the trip immediately. Suggestions welcome.